I’d like to start straightaway with the lesson of this film: Ladies, marry the first guy you get engaged to. Don’t change your mind. Don’t agree to marry someone else. “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” sure. A man scorned, though, he’ll kill ya. It happens twice in this movie, ruins two perfectly happy days. So, ladies, focus on the first guy. The second guy’s not going to come after you because he never got the chance...It’s that first guy and the rejection that’ll do it to you every time.Well, I’m almost tempted to stop it right here. These reviews all end in the lessons after the curlie-q’s of the stories and such. For once, wouldn’t simplicity rule? Wouldn’t that be grand? Wouldn’t that be something? But, that’s not what I get paid for.
If you just want the lesson, stop reading this and go to page 13 where Donson Mavin has written a very interesting article on the fruit flies expected this spring. There is, however, more to my review. Here it is:
The first of the killings occurs in a movie theater. The woman is a bride-to-be who gets stabbed in her seat right next to her friend. This puts in motion a police investigation. (Bravo Men in Blue!) During this in-depth look at the crime, a certain detective discovers the woman’s bridal status. Uh-oh! Ding ding!
This detective has a rock hard nose. Where exactly did he get such a solid proboscis? This same nut killed the lawman’s fiancée just a while ago. Really Cheesed our man off. Sadly, they never found the guy. (I wish I’d been a cop. I think I could have helped.) Now, he gets that second chance he’s always wanted.
I never thought I’d say this so, luckily, I’m not: The police don’t always have our best interests at heart. Hey, the movies said it! I’m just relating what I’ve seen and heard. In standard fashion, it sure is persuasive. The cop, by the end, (well, somewhere in the middle) knows who the killer is after and yet he plays it cool as several more people are killed.
Our heroine, Catlin, is just a sweetie pie little doll but the detective allows her and her friends to get stalked. Several of the stalked are killed including, but not limited to, the one who’s sleeping with her married college professor and the one who is much quieter. (Hey! She’s got no head now!) Although, I don’t know. If you’re killing prospective brides-to-be, why stalk their friends? What does that prove? Well, I guess this just goes to show why I’m not psychotic.
What about Catlin’s poor, poor tailor? A little old guy who is NOT a bride-to-be. Poor fellow. Killed because he was standing there. Oh well. Sometimes it happens and sometimes it really hurts.
The movie has a very strong message for the young ladies of Today’s America... the first paragraph, please. Let me close with a little more wisdom...
I’ve got an announcement which is important for every one: “Big, big headphones that play loud, loud music are not really that great because the killer can sneak up and kill you because you can’t hear him!” Come on, folks. Death may be your friend but it’s a friend you can put off for a long while. He doesn’t worry. He’ll get to ya.
Hey! Something just occurred to me...In the beginning, we see the flashback of the killer killing the cop’s bride-to-be, his almost wife (the killer’s). In the end, we see Catlin at her wedding to the guy who takes over from her fiancé during the movie...(Now, I’m lost.) The fiancé in the movie returns in the end to threaten his ex-bride-to-be (Catlin) who is marrying someone else. But, I just thought...She’s marrying the guy who she almost married in the first place. She left him and almost married the second guy. But, she goes back to the first guy. Then, the second guy returns to threaten her. Well, that sure screws the pooch on my lesson. How about this...
Ladies, keep an eye on jilted lovers during your wedding day. You don’t want to keep your back turned away from something like this.
Plus, better wedding security might be in order. The insane exes seem to have no trouble getting in the house and right to the bride. Let’s keep an eye out, huh? Constant vigilance can ward off unwanted visitors like people who want to kill you.
Hey! Folks! Don’t let that opening scene discourage you! The one in the theater. I think theaters are the safest places to be in times of crisis. I always feel warm and toasty in a theater, well fed and slothy. I think the people who made the movie were just trying to scare you.
Thank you. This is my new favorite, even better than "My Bloody Valentine", in my estimation. The original score is better, the shots of the killer just standing there are better, Marvin is better than whoever the Marvin character was in that other one. It doesn't even matter anymore what that other one was called, I'm fully aware I could simply back up and remind myself of the title; I don't care anymore. I discard it as flippantly as all my past lovers have been and will in the future be discarded, as this one is better.
ReplyDeleteCaptain!
ReplyDeleteLand Ahoy! (I joke with a man named Captain. Is that your real name or do you charter a ship through the manly seas like Captain Ahab from that book about whales? Or are you a cop?)
I don't call this one "My New Favorite" but then what would I call it, you might ask? Some things are too personal...even to tell to the Captain and I don't mean to be didactic nor facetious. Can a Man not have thoughts that are simply his own, I ask?
Don't answer. That's another personal one.
Look, if he knows you're alone, then I probably know you're alone too...If so, keep your hands downtown, 'cause I got my kickin' shoes on!
-CPD