"The Spirit of '76!" Concludes

Our glorious month long festival winds down. These "Past Blasts" sure have been something. It's interesting to see where we've been but, ultimately, pointless. They assure me that Hollywood's back on track and next week we'll get a new one. Thank goodness. We deserve it.

So...

This week's piece playing at the Rialto is La Casa dalle Finestre che Ridono. Boyoboy, does it ever live up to its name!

The film is set somewhere in Europe ("That Old Country") where a man is asked to restore a "Big Painting" in a church. As he restores it, he discovers some terrible things...Like they're not going to pay him! Once again, I'm kidding. Another in a long and seemingly endless series of jokes that I, the reviewer, provide for you, the reader.


The painter of this "Large Drawing" is dead but he sure did a nice job. The decaying picture is of Saint Brrgelthermin slaying various demons. Well, as the restoration proceeds, the restorateur discovers that something is wrong. This something has quite a bit to do with the artist's sisters who are killing young men. Why? Well, it has something to do with their brother. Trust me when I say that things slowly begin to get very out of hand and, before you realize it, the movie's over.

I hope my review has provided you with the story of this film. I'll be honest I may, or may not, have made some of that up. For some reason, the film is in another language that may, or may not, be something like Spanish. The Rialto management assured me that this is exactly how Hollywood released it so now it becomes my job, as a reviewer, to work the middle ground for you. To provide "my translation", as it were, of the lesson.

(As I said, it was a little tricky as I couldn't understand a single word anyone was saying. In fact, I wasn't even sure what the title meant until the other guy in the theater told me. He said it means "The House of the Two Crazy Sisters". With all my heart, I believe this to be true.)

The life of a reviewer is not an easy one. It took a lot of deliberating, studying of text and wiping of sweaty brows (some my own) before I realized something important. People won't tell you about it but here it is (and it changes the face of the past month): What we have here is a film BL (Before Lessons), a film from the time when these things were made purely for entertainment. It must have been some time around '76 when Hollywood finally wised up to what its true capabilities were...the power to teach. Teach the children. (I believe Class Reunion Massacre and Savage Weekend had some message. But, Kiss of the Tarantula is without.) This is why "The Crazy Sister's House" feels so empty. This is why I learn nothing. Because, there is nothing to learn. It's as simple as that. The fact that it's not even in a comprehensible language clinches it.

"The Spirit of '76!" is over. I've seen where we've been. It sure was fun but it doesn't mean a thing. Next week: Queen Kong! Finally!