Uh-Oh, Now They Did It

Do you ever drink heavily? Alcohol, I mean. Well, I know I do. Sometimes a tremendous amount. You know, you work hard. You watch a movie, it marinates in your soul and then you regurgitate your musings onto paper. It wears you down. So, sometimes, drink is necessary. Very nice...

Well, the latest Tinseltown triumph made me drink so much that I got sick on my loafers. I did...All over Bloody Birthday.

What interesting peregrinations this film covers me with, huh?

Here's a plot:

Solar eclipse. 3 children are born during it. All are born without a conscience. So, they kill indiscriminately as puberty looms. This adventure occurs on and around their 10th birthdays.

Set in a small town that knows them and loves them. One young boy and his older sister find out the truth but no one believes them.

No one believes them!

Oh, if only someone had. A whole bunch of people are killed including the sheriff, his daughter, a teacher, some young people in love and others.

These insane kids look pretty creepy to me. It's something in the eyes. But...

Nothing could prepare me for what I discovered.

I watched the movie as I normally do.

I proceeded to examine my notes and any historical or sociological info pertinent. Well, the older sister is a student of astrology. (She discovers the lack of conscience through this.) So, I made a brief astrological gander and discovered something...

I was BORN during a solar eclipse!

HOLY SOCKS!

Then, the memories began to back into me...Around the age of 9, I killed a colony of beetles I found living under some rocks. Just outright slaughtered them! Ohmigod! Then, when I was 17, I peed in the sink in the teacher's lounge at school. Then, at 22, I wore two kinds of plaid to a dinner party. Holy Jeez! Was this all true? Am I without conscience?

Either that or the movie is wrong.

Oh no.

Hollywood has never let me down before. Think of all the times: Didn't they tell me to make bees my friend with "The Swarm"? Didn't they recommend leaving summer camp off your list of FUN THINGS after "Friday the 13th"? Didn't they warn about having friends over the house at night in "Slumber Party Massacre"? Didn't they warn against going  in someone else's house with "Don't Go In The House"? They had similar things to say with "Don't Answer The Phone", "Don't Look In The Basement" and "Don't Open The Door". Didn't they restrict me to the safety of my kitchen until further notice? So many things! All because of Hollywood. What an impact!

But, could they be wrong here?

Could they?

Of course not.

I am, indeed, a man without a conscience. Really, I've always believed this. Now, I know it's true. It's very liberating the moment one realizes what they really are.

I can rest assured knowing from whence I came.

So, folks, from here on in...I will be known as Drathmoor, Reviewer Without a Conscience. And, if you don't like it, you know where you can jam it!

Yes!