Well, I've never been part of a sorority and I've got a good reason why: who can afford to go to a good college? But, that's water under my bridge. Have you ever woken up at 6AM, strolled out onto the streets and got yourself a steaming hot cup of Joe and a kosher hot dog smothered in relish? That's what The House on Sorority Row is like.
Let me lead you through it... Here we are with these gals and they're privileged and they're well off and they're having a good time. But, college is over. It's all wrapped up. They have one last party to throw. But...
20 years ago...
Something happened with the house mother. Something happened to her baby and someone took her voice. Well, her baby's outcome is the subject of a lot of the film and her voice is replaced (gloriously) by the voice of Someone Else.
Now...back to the movie's present...
This house mother always closes down her house after the school's closing ceremonies. The girls want to keep it open. In fact, they're within their rights to stay. And, they do. And, they get in fights with the old woman. So, she slashes a poor rich girl's water bed and generally gets in their way.
The girls decide to play a little trick on her. So, they kill her and sink her body in the filthy, filthy pool out back. Now, finally, we can party.
But, quicker than you can release one into the frigid night air, the body of the old woman seems to be alternately 1) dead and showing up everywhere or 2) not dead and killing them. Well, there you go. Some of the girls start to get killed, others try to hide the body. The house mother (maybe) has a cane. She may (or may not) be killing some gals, lethally.
People party, there's a large strange doctor, psychedelic freak-outs, jilted want-to-be-lovers and all sorts of stuff. This one piles on the movement and loads on the thrills with, yes, a touch of wisdom to boot.
There's nothing like a whole bunch of your sorority sisters being killed to put you in the proper frame of mind: Don't hurt other people. Really what I'm saying is... Don't shoot them. If you happen to shoot someone, do not follow this up by hiding the body in an old pool. That doesn't help anybody and, half the time, they just come right back to life.
If you're lucky enough to get into one of these colleges, well, good for you, I say! The world and its sun shine and revolve around you forever & always! Just don't get involved in the stuff these girls do. People die here, folks! If you pay attention, you'll see that, a lot of times, people die because someone kills them! Don't be that someone. Thanks.
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